No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
