why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
