maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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