I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
