If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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