also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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