A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i believe in u and ur pee
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
