I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
