Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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