At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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