Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
