Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
