I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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