Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
