Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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