Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
