Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
