ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
