Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
