my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
