i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
