U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize