Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
