I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
