he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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