His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
