No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
