I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
