is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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