Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
