just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
