Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
