Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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