In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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