she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
