i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
