just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
