If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
