I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
