You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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