there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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