Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
