god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
