dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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