so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
