i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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