I think I won the penis lottery.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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