i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
false alarm, still single
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
