My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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