Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
