i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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