I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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